Never date a woman whose father calls her 'Princess.' Chances are she believes it.
It is not against the law to be stupid, but it is stupid to be against the law.
Middle age is when you have a choice of two temptations and choose the one that will get you home earlier.
If you believe that dreams can come true, be prepared for the occasional nightmare too.
Many people spend their health for wealth, and then try to spend their wealth for health.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
A pessimist is one who feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels better.
Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.
Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes a day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
One thing a man learns from an argument with a woman is how to be a good loser.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
People who think they're out of this world always make you wish they were.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
A politician is someone who makes no sense in a very convincing manner.
The weaker sex is the stronger because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Early to bed, early to rise, your girl goes out with other guys.
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.
Never explain. Friends don't need it, enemies wouldn't believe it.
I was going to procrastinate today, but I think I'll leave that until tomorrow.
A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The cigarette does the smoking you're just the sucker.
Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
A friend is someone with whom we share common enemies.
Crime has already been organised. Now it's up to the police.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both get married!
He who can- does, he who cannot- teaches.
When a girl goes wrong, men go right after her.
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.
Every man should marry. Happiness isn't everything.
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